Cubes of concrete are lifted gracefully by a yellow forklift.
It dives through the thick Mississippi humidity. A baby is born with horns and it is called Pharoah. Today, I find myself with unexpected blues. I had a nightmare about an asian woman being slowly decapitated by a conveyorbelt on an amusement park ride. I know my death will be sweet. I have more DMT chemicals in my head than most people. I woke up wanting to attempt suicide. Not because I want to die. Not because I feel like I deserve pain. But I wanted to go to the hospital and see my dad and show him with bones and blood how I really feel inside. I want to say sorry to him, even though it doesn't make sense to. And I want everyone I love to tell me it's okay, it happens, and I can recover. My knees hurt. My friend said he was sick of being insane. I don't know what i'd do if I met someone who gave me any kindness. Applied forceps to grey matter. I'm not as strong as I thought. I forget everything. There's nothing in my brain. I'm not sure what to say to him. I will be there with the planets in the sky, everyone will be rotating. Everyone will leap and smile, and I will be remembering. Or at least trying to be something. The awful dreams I keep having about dying in pain, and praying I want to go like that, and praying I wont have another dream like that tonight.