fragment 6 ;;;;; 10/10

She was eating white bread alone, the crumbs on the marble island.then her head in her hands then the silence then the bread on her face.then she waz cryin.

Our big family six who i lived with including my grandma but not my grandpa cuz he died of a glitch. So my little sister, has this problem where she cant stop eating. Just forever infinite. Shes toogood at finding food too. So shes a bit chubby . shes 10.

One time my aunt came over to have dinner with us and my sister started shoveling moms food down her throat and started taking fistfuls of my potato salad (which i was done with, thankfully) all of this food, could not be stopped like an animall then
all the sudden my aunt shot up from her chair and lifted my sister choking her neck like she was holding a cocacola bottle and she bellowed out with rage in her eyes “You do not steal your brother’s food” then she let her go my sister ran away crying and i was crying too

While all the adults were shouting across the table and pleading i snuck away up the carpeted stairs flyin fast as a bug i went to our bedroom that we shared and we just sat there and cried

I was scared too, mostly confused. I
am way older than that now thank god i grew up. It was hard for a while to keep up with all the stuff my family argued about in other rooms next to mine, at some point i just stopped listening thru the wall. When i was 12 i started to really like being in my room. We moved to a different town. I had to throw away a lot of my stuff. And at that point i didnt fully understand what nostalgia was but I had to learn early that things had sentimental value. It really was the only way i could be independent, thru my things, thru my memories. Before we moved me and my sister had to share a bedroom. So in the middle of the night i would tip toe out on the carpet.

My other sister is Trinity.she got to have her own room in my old house. Which was strange to me because she wasnt alive anymore.
It was always hard for us three kids to agree on anything. We were all really different. My little sis you never heard a peep out of her all she did was sit around and throw stuff and generally disrupt everything, Thats sorta wat i did too except i was more violent with kids at school and got into more trouble. But it was never really anything too bad. Me and my little sis would just get really bored, i mean thats what missouri is like, really boring, all you can do is just keep running the infinite pasture and looking at the world from the ground. But Trinity had a good head on her shoulders. Shes really into the political shit. And she was always on the internet reading something, some wikimedia. She was really emotional though. And we all had problems with food. But Trinity had the worst of it. She wouldnt eat anything. Even at dinner my dad would scream at her to eat and she would but then she would just puke it up after, and at school she wouldnt eat at lunch just sit there with her friends with no plate or anything and sometimes late at night i would hear her leave the house and just take off running for an hour or so. I bet she tried running away. Instead she dove into the hairy chest of a man who hooked her on needles and

she died on her birthday three years later.

So all of her stuff was there, her bed her clothes that smelled like her, i guess her ghost was big and fat it filled up the room so much that nobody was allowed to go in. but when everyone was asleep and it was quiet, like on a school night, i would go in there and sleep. Sometimes i would masturbate, which i regret now, but at the time i thought it was better to do it next to my dead sister instead of my alive sister who could hear it.
Besides that her room was an homage to her memory. I try not to remember anything about her. Just good feelings, just heavy feelings of loss. But i accept the fact that she will never come home again. It just makes me sad to think about so i barely do except on the anniversary of her death every year. My whole family never talks about her. They're just not emotional people. The only thing they say will be that she was amazing, that she was a good person, a good girl, the best daughter.

We had to pack up everything , all the stuff in Trinity’s room was taped in boxes i bet my parents shed a lot of already-answered questions. And that day when my uncle came in his van we put all of the stuff that fit in there, it took about 5 trips back and forth so a couple days since we were moving from Overland Park and its far from Sedalia. But we didnt miss church that week of course, our first day at the Sedalia megachurch my dad cried wimpy tears and stood up clapping at the whiteness.

But it was okay because i didnt have any friends in overland park that i really vibed with.

My mom set up everything in the new house one day when the orange sun streamed in. It was piping hot August. I finally had my own room for once.

[]